


Storied Career

by neveralarch



Category: Spy (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 04:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5526191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neveralarch/pseuds/neveralarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Susan suffers the worst possible fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storied Career

**Author's Note:**

> Happy yuletide, fairy_tale_echo! Thanks for reminding me how much I loved this movie :)

It happened after Susan had been an active field operative for five years. It was the worst five minutes of her life—worse than that tightrope walk across a live volcano, worse than smuggling a USB drive full of classified documents by swallowing it, worse than when Rick's condom had broken and she'd gone through twelve pregnancy tests.

A new agent had said: "Agent Cooper, are you familiar with nuclear artillery?"

And Susan had said: "Listen, kid, I've built nuclear artillery out of driftwood and rubber bands. I once had to enrich uranium by myself, using an abandoned meth lab and some glow-in-the-dark body paint. I register two thousand CPM on a Geiger counter. You're probably getting radiation poisoning just by standing next to me." Then she'd slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Uh," the new agent had said.

"Shit!" Susan had said. "Fuck."

"I don't see what the problem is," said Rick, listening to the story with a light crease between his brows.

"I'm turning into you," said Susan. "Is this what field experience gets you?"

"Yes," said Rick. "I mean, you have done all of those things. It reminds me of the time I had to use a calculator and my own keen sense of smell to find a hidden ICBM in a warehouse full of—"

"This is what I'm talking about," said Susan. "I'm becoming conceited and arrogant and insufferable, just like you."

Rick stopped talking. "Oh."

"This is the worst," said Susan. "Literally the worst."

Rick sniffed. Susan peered at him.

"Are you crying?"

"Hah," sniffed Rick. "My eyes are barely damp. You wouldn't call this crying if you had seen me use my own tears to drown three men in Angola."

"I didn't mean to, uh." Susan hesitated. "Well, I did mean to say all those things, but I wasn't thinking about you. Well, I was, but I didn't think you'd take it personally."

Rick rubbed at his eyes. "Look, just think about it as gaining confidence, competence, and a bunch of really good stories."

"And not being mean to my boyfriend," said Susan. "Got it."

Rick smiled. "Of course, I once used my stories to convince the Security Council to eject Russia from the UN. It only took—"

"Shh," said Susan. "You're ruining the moment."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Storied Career](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926632) by [bessyboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo), [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater), [jedusaur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedusaur/pseuds/jedusaur), [Rhea314 (Rhea)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Rhea314)




End file.
